I started this blog about a year ago when I was going through the worst moments of my life and needed something good to come out of it. I was switching medications that messed with my hormones and had been through a long hard break up that changed who I was as a person as well as the outlook on the life I had planned for myself. It was a difficult time full of so many uncertainties about myself and everything I had known during that time. (I had spent many years loving a person that loved me, but I learned love doesn’t change a person. Love is always enough, but if the person you love isn’t? Then you have a whole different problem on your hands.)*
Regardless, I got through it. Every day was a struggle fighting myself to find a reason to actually fight. Every move I made were steps filled with anxiety and internal screaming at myself to stop. I didn’t want to continue moving for the fear that more would go wrong.
I had a pretty good life before this. A sophomore in college with an excellent GPA and a knack for anything artistic. I was the most positive person you could meet. Ignorance really was bliss. All of my pins were up and my past relationship happened to be centered enough to knock me out. That was a strike for me. Not a good one in this case. (I’m grateful for meeting him and getting to know such a love, but I’m sad for all the pain I had to experience from it.)
Anyway, to deal with it, I tried my very best at reaching out. My parents knew. My friends knew. I’m sure the whole world knew what I was going through, but I struggled to find what helped.
I had so much to pour my heart and soul into; I used to spew art from my fingertips but suddenly I was running dry. Every source of creativity in my being was suddenly arid and I began to stare at the ceiling as I lay in bed instead of my imagination. What were once different worlds were now weak attempts at silencing my suffering.
Sounds dramatic, I know. I know. Something I can tell you I have learned from all of this is that mental illness is not a joke. It’s not something to mess around with.
I used to write characters with mental illnesses, but I had absolutely NO CLUE what I was talking about. Then all of a sudden there I was struggling under the weight of it. Those characters have been missing from me since then. (The irony that the more I began to understand my character’s mental illness’s, the less connected I was kills me.) Now I am starting to finally reach my tendrils back into them and grow roots after almost three years of struggle.
(Word of advice, before you write depressed or mentally afflicted characters, ask someone with experience. Trust me. You do not know the half of it and I cannot express it enough.)
This blog was started when one day I was playing Majora’s Mask, to distract me from it all but also because I freaking love that game, and my brother was watching me. That day we created the Guru-Guru Paradox. It wasn’t something completely special back then. I thought it was a great theory, but I didn’t think it would ever turn into an outlet for me or something I could share with others to appreciate.
Hell, Zeldaandfairies was just a Zelda dedicated tumblr blog inspired by Theophany in 2013. But since then, since the development of my mental illness, it’s become so much more for me. My tumblr blog has since slowed down while the rest of my social media as ZeldaandFairies, Zelden Faerie, Willow has grown so largely and caused me to meet so many people and have great experiences that I am COMPLETELY grateful for.
ZeldaandFairies helped me meet my best friends. I will link all of their social media here so you can understand a fraction of how special they are to me.
This is a shoutout to Danon who I love so much and could never imagine my life without.
This blog has let me be a part of reviews on youtube, which is SO SILLY TO ME BUT WOW, I would have never been able to do them without it. I’ve become a whole new person from it. ZeldaandFairies has lead me deeper into Youtube Communities and I feel an amazing kinship with those I have met on twitter from it and those on instagram. (I met an amazing group of people from spamming Zelda love and content on a Game Awards Live Stream. Do you know how cool that is? HHH)
ZeldaandFairies gave me a voice when I struggled to remember mine. I was never the best speaker, but this outlet has taught me so much. Since my start in 2013, I have learned how to speak to a camera and edit videos like a b0$$, my art has improved ten fold and I am an overall better person for it.
I hope that this blog, though it focuses mostly on Nintendo/Zelda content, can remind you, the reader, that you are worth more than you think you are. My Lessons from Link are lessons I feel you could benefit from that I had to figure out in my years of learning. I hope to share the art I created because of my depression with you in the very near future.
The best way to handle depression? Create. It’s not something that will help you in the moment. It won’t lessen your depression, it won’t help you breathe easier, but I promise you … When times are clearer and your head is on more straight, you will be able to look back and appreciate all that you have accomplished through that time.
I graduated Magna Cum Laude from my University and have so many paintings that I could possibly sell in the future. My friends are beautiful and I’ve never felt more close to my family.
I hate my depression and anxiety. I hate them so much.
But despite them, I became something more than just myself. I became all of you.
Thank you for reading.
I believe in you, fairies. Thanks for being my light and believing in me, too.
Have you ever gone through something hard in your life? What helped you?
* If you would like an article about this, let me know in the comments below.